Yay! You’ve just given birth to you first bundle of joy! Congrats and welcome to the club…But wait, physically pushing that baby out or enduring a painful c-section isn’t your complete pass into the society that is mommy-hood, oh no, you will experience several initiation activities before you’re truly a part of the club…
Below are some of the ways that you might find yourself being hazed I mean initiated into mommy-hood:
- Boogers, EW, especially when they aren’t your own that you find, dried and crusted in your lovely locks. Thanks kid!
- Poo & pee, you’re really not a mom until you’ve been projectile poo-ed or peed on. Hope you have your Tide Pen or perhaps a new shirt? Maybe you should just go home and change dear.
- Toys, they are EVERYWHERE, and they are always moving around… That bouncer, your shin probably found it last night at 2am on your way to make that bottle. OUCH, that’s going to leave a mark.
- Sleep, what’s that? You must perform all life and baby duties with little to no sleep, forever, until you die… You will never sleep again.
- Hair pulling, a hair-tie is now your best friend. Thick wavy locks? Sorry friend! Unless you tie your baby’s hands or force them to wear socks on their hands you best invest in hair-ties, pronto!
- Projectile vomit, see #2… You should probably start traveling with extra clothes, for you and baby
- Cartoons/Kids Netflix, say goodbye to all of your T.V. series, unless it’s after bedtime…and if your kids sleeping you should probably sleep too! Wait, no, you’re never to sleep again. Scratch #7… You can binge watch, Black List and Law and Order after the kids are down.
- Social life, what’s that? Unless you’ve got family close by or someone you trust to watch your children, all social activity can only take place on Facebook or Instagram, #awesome.
- Shopping, you will do more shopping than ever before except, nothing will be for you, whomp, whomp…
I’m sure this is not a complete list of the initiation process that is mommy-hood as I am a “newbie.” So having said that you more seasoned mommies please share a part of your initiation process into mommy-hood! I would love to know what is in store for me.
So, I for the most part consider myself a pretty responsible and organized individual. I’m always ahead of deadlines; completing house work, cooking dinner, running errants, preparing lesson plans, heck even working on higher education. Most items on my to-do list are done way before their due date. So why, why is it that mom duties seem to fall straight out of my brain!? I seriously have become the MOST forgetful individual on the face of the planet. When I pushed Greyson out did half of my brain come with him?
Here are a few of my recent #momfail moments, maybe you can relate?
- Just the other day we went to take family pictures and afterwards we went out to eat. As we were enjoying a lovely meal an aroma that was not quite as pleasant as my California Club made itself known…. That’s right a California Club with a side of “poo.” Lovely, right? So, since mens lavatories don’t have changing tables (PS: Why is that?) I was the lucky winner who got to claim the “prize.” I gathered Greyson’s items from his diaper bag…But…OH NO! Where were the wipes??? Did is seriously forget to pack wipes? Who does that? ME, #momfail! So I got to change Greyson’s poo (which was more under the category of blow-out i.e., we had leakage) using restaurant quality TP, yippy! It was super durable, by the way… Outcome: now in BJ’s Brewery dumpster rests one of Greyson’s adorable onesies.
- Last Saturday my mom, sister and I hit the stores to do some clothes shopping and of course I had Greyson with me…. After shopping we were famished. We got to the restaurant (Ph0-V Noodle, its amazing!) and I began to prepare Greyson’s bottle (that’s right no boob juice here, and he is perfectly normal folks. That was a four month roller coaster btw) and guess who forgot to pack a bottle? This momma, right here, #momfail! Thank the good Lord I had some pureed peaches with me! Whew! Oh but I did drop is spoon while feeding him, twice… A little dirt never hurt… Just kidding totally washed it off.
- Laundry is a vicious cycle in my house hold it seriously NEVER ends, like, ever… I am constantly washing Greyson’s clothes to the point where it becomes mindless and when something is mindless mistakes are bound to be made. The other day I threw all of this sleepers in the wash and completely forgot to switch them over to the dryer until bed time rolled around and I was looking for that sleeper… Seriously? Did my brain fall out of my butt? #momfail!
So, I guess what my point here is that we are human, we have those #momfail moments where we seriously have no idea what we were thinking, or were we even thinking at all? Life is nuts, there are deadlines, errands, homework, chores, laundry, and the list just goes on and on… The #momfail moments are bound to happen. But please momma, remember to give yourself grace in those moments and know how awesome you are. You might feel like a failure and when those moments come, and they will, look at your children. If they are still breathing then I say that’s a #momwin! You’re doing awesome! Keep it up girlfriend!